Kevin Davy<p><span class="h-card" translate="no"><a href="https://a.gup.pe/u/actuallyautistic" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@<span>actuallyautistic</span></a></span> </p><p> "I thought it was just me."</p><p> Perhaps one of the most repeated phrases by those of us realising that we are autistic, especially later in life. Even in this over-connected age, it is amazing how isolated many of us were from what autism was, or indeed could look like. It's only once you start looking for yourself in the words and stories of others, that you can begin to see how varied and complex it is and yet how much is shared and similar, even if it takes on a slightly different hue each and every time. It is in this knowledge that we can truly begin to see ourselves. When we stop trying to fit any sort of outside pattern, but can begin to see the actual pattern we make and learn the ways we can help ourselves. </p><p> This is why I tag my posts with not only the autism hashtag, but also the actuallyautistic hashtag and group. It's not to keep it amongst ourselves, but to try and share it with all those who are trying to learn to see themselves. Because this is the often misunderstood truth of the actuallyautistic tag. It's not to separate us from those yet to be diagnosed. It was always meant for those who are wondering, even those who don't believe they can be and yet still find value in what we have to say, as much as for those who are beginning to believe and those diagnosed either officially, or because they have realised it about themselves. A safe place, to share, to grow and most importantly to learn from each other. </p><p> Because there was never anyone else to teach us about how to be ourselves and certainly not in the ways that we could make our lives so much better. In fact, in the past, we were more often than not simply left to being our own worst enemies, kicking ourselves when we were down and holding ourselves to standards and goals that were more than a little obsessive. For example, I have just gone through a couple of intense weeks and all because a number of things came unfortunately together. My employer had some time off, which left me doing extra hours and having greater responsibilities. What remains of my family decided that it was time to make one of their rare visits and after a marathon period of procrastination I finally had to have a plumber come round and do so work. I also had to get new glasses. All of these things are draining in their own ways, but together they have left me wiped out. But, the difference now, is that I knew that this would happen. I set my expectations accordingly and made plans to help myself recover. </p><p> This is the difference a place like this can make. I'm not sat here now beating myself up because my tiredness obviously isn't deserved, or trying to flog the dead horse that I most closely resemble, into push, push, pushing on regardless. I can be kind, I can allow myself to recover and know the ways to best do that. I can finally be realistic and all because I have learnt how to be and what it actually means for me and all from being able to "hear" the words of others. </p><p><a href="https://beige.party/tags/ActuallyAutistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>ActuallyAutistic</span></a> <br><a href="https://beige.party/tags/Autism" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>Autism</span></a></p>